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Alone time

Alone time
Photo by Margaret Polinder / Unsplash

When going through the experience of separation/divorce, one of the new things you may now find yourself navigating is what to do with your extra alone time.

For many (myself included), an abundance of newfound alone time can feel intimidating. But, one of the most helpful things you can do to prepare yourself is to have two types of plans: solid and loose.

Both require preparation ahead of time, but you’ll thank yourself if you’re the type of person who can easily fall into the trap of doom scrolling or spiraling (HI!) when you now have too much free time.

Make solid plans ahead of time

Get out your calendar and mark your blocks of alone time. Then, find ways to fill it with the following suggestions:

  • Plans with family members or friends
  • A local event in your community
  • A meeting for a local club, community, church or support group, etc.
  • Time for exercise (gym, fitness class, walk, run, etc.)
  • Time for a hobby (book club, hiking group, club sport, etc.)
  • Volunteer

Obviously these suggestions won’t work for everyone, but the point here is to push yourself to make plans for yourself so that you can start building your new life by creating new routines, making new friends, and prioritizing your mental and physical health.

Ideas for becoming more engaged with your local community include joining your town’s Facebook group, researching groups/clubs at local churches, and exploring Meet-Up.

Create an anthology of loose plans

This step will also require some additional planning, but instead of marking these on your calendar (or do, if that’s your style!), keep a running list of these items that you can refer to when you have gaps of time that you want to fill.

These are going to be different for everyone, but here are some of our favorite suggestions to get you started:

  • Read (Need suggestions? Here are some of our favorite books for healing)
  • Start binging a TV show you never had time to watch before
  • Color (treat yourself to some nice markers while you’re at it)
  • Give yourself an in home spa treatment
  • Nap (seriously)
  • Research ideas for meal prepping and get to it
  • Try a new recipe
  • Make a list of home or personal projects and start knocking them out in bite-sized pieces (e.g., organize the hall closet, clean out one kitchen cabinet, paint one piece of furniture, search for the perfect art piece for one bathroom, etc.)
  • Clear out closet and sell items that you don’t love (Aside from Facebook Marketplace, Poshmark is a fun way to do this)
  • Go thrifting
  • Go sightseeing in a local town
  • Try gardening (Bethany just started hydroponic gardening to have fresh herbs and veggies throughout the year.
  • Meditate (my favorite free meditations; great for beginners)
  • Declutter your phone
  • Learn about the enneagram and take the quiz to find out your type

Alone time can feel scary, but eventually you will reach a point where you enjoy it, if you’re not already! We encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, try new things, and challenge yourself to view this time as an opportunity and a gift to build a new and more authentic life for yourself. You’ve got this.

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