Connecting the dots

According to the dictionary, ‘community’ is defined in two ways—as a group or as a feeling. The dictionary says community as a feeling is “fellowship with others” resulting from shared attitudes, interests, and goals.

For the past two and a half years, Hillary and I created community for each other while navigating separation, divorce, and co-parenting together.

We met as colleagues in 2015 with no idea that we’d be each other’s lifelines as our marriages were ending--albeit in very different ways. I had been married for more than 20 years, with two daughters who were in middle and high school at the time. Hillary had been married for 6 years, and had a 4-year-old son and a daughter on the way. There are many more differences I could note—I am 16 years older, she is White and I am Black, she was using MySpace when I was pregnant with my first child.

Yet none of the differences mattered. Our shared experience of divorce was what connected the dots of self-awareness, pain, fear, anger, worry, motherhood, and ultimately healing. We tell each other often how much we would not have made it to this point without each other. The picture for this post is one of those recent exchanges and moments of mutual admiration. It’s a feeling. It’s community.

I am certain that community can and does change lives for the better. It changes experiences. It transforms in a way that should be shared with others and Hillary and I have decided to do just that. Our first step was to start a divorce support group (thanks Meetup) to connect people of all ages, races, ethnicities, identities, and relationship experiences in our local area. We aim to create a space of healing, peace, excitement, and joy for the next chapter of our lives and after just one week of being an active group, we have 16 members and two upcoming events. Our hearts are full knowing that others also value and are seeking personal connection around this unpracticable and variable experience that is the end of a long-term relationship. We can’t wait to meet everyone at our first event this Saturday.

Our second step, was to create Sincerely, Divorced—the blog and Instagram account @sincerelydivorced. It is the vehicle we are using to amplify our mission to normalize and change the narrative around separation, divorce, and the end of an intimate partnership. Sincerely, Divorced is also a space for storytelling because understanding and honoring the varied experiences along this journey is what will change the narrative and empower those going navigating it and those supporting someone navigating it.  

Hillary and I have a big vision of what Sincerely, Divorced will be and mean to us and to others. We hope you will join us and share in this community of hope and encouragement. In a world that tells us to be ashamed or embarrassed about separation, divorce or something similar, we want people to know that we SEE them and there is no reason to hide—from ourselves or from anyone else. This is the time to step into the light and shine—one breakdown and one glow up at a time.