Hard things post divorce
Divorce, as we all know, is hard. There are so many changes we must navigate, so many decisions to make, so many negotiations to be had with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, and the list goes on.
In addition to the obvious ones listed above, some very poignant moments may also occur once your divorce is finalized. They are sneaky reminders that tend to creep up on you when you aren't expecting it, underscoring the fact that your life course has changed its trajectory in a major way.
If you're in the trenches of your divorce, hopefully, this list will prevent you from being caught completely off guard. Many of these instances on the list are examples commonly discussed among community members.
- Changing your emergency contact
Don't wait until you're at your annual appointments to make this change. Or, if you do wait, have someone lined up to include on the form so that it doesn't completely take you by surprise when you realize you that you've got to make this update. Suggestions include parents, close friends, siblings, cousins, adult children, etc.
- Checking the "divorced" status on legal documents
How lucky that we get a special category. We are not simply "single", we are "separated" or "divorced". 🤦
- Dividing up the Christmas ornaments or holiday decorations
Depending on when your divorce occurs, you may not be dividing these up right away. Ornaments and decorations tend to have sentimental value to us, so the process of separating these can be very difficult. Honestly, this was one of the hardest of our physical pocesseions to divide.
- Figuring out what to do with your wedding dress and/or wedding photos & momentos
Confession: my wedding dress is still hanging in my parent's closet. We moved around a lot after getting married, so in fairness, the plan was for it to remain there until we established a permanent residence, which obviously never ended up happening. I'd love to donate it somewhere, but I just haven't had the drive to make it a priority.
My wedding album and other keepsakes are in a box in my basement that I am saving for my children. I want them to know that at one point in time, their parents did love each other. If I didn't have kids, I don't know if I would have saved them. It's a hard decision.
- Having to explain you're divorced at literally anything for your kids
I mean I am not ashamed of it, but sometimes the pitiful reaction I've gotten from teachers and/or well-intentioned people can be a little irritating.
- Deciding what gifts and/or sentimental items to keep
A friend of mine was recently pondering what to do with all the jewelry her ex gave her over the years. My crack at a response was pulling a Marie Kondo and asking her if any of them sparked joy. But, seriously. If you still like it and can wear it without getting emotional, then why not keep it?
- Reminding yourself that you no longer have to pick-up their favorite items at the grocery store
This one still gets me sometimes. If I see a great sale on something I used to buy for him, my mind still takes note of it until I remind myself that I have no use or purpose for it anymore. It was hard and sad at first and now it's just a little weird.
- Sharing information about yourself if you plan on dating again
There is so much comfort in familiarity. It's a big reality check when you have to share your life story with someone intimate again. On the bright side, it can be fun to learn about someone else and sometimes we learn about ourselves through the process too.
What did we miss? What are some difficult moments that caught you off guard post-divorce? Comment below if you want to share. 🫶